You know, clean Ben actually smelled really nice.

Which was about the most random stray thought he could be having right now.

He was still more than a little locked-in to take-control mode, that was the thing. Which... might have been something he should have thought of sooner, at least if his goal actually was to relax a little.

Right now, Ender decided, it was far more productive not to think about that and to think about Ben saying Kuso like that a little more. So he hummed in reply and squeezed Ben's leg in encouragement.

It skated a little along that danger zone. Ender pushed back a tiny amount just to be safe, wanting to keep control over the situation as much as he could.

That didn't, however, involve pulling away.

Pumping Ender's system full of not-quite-dispelled adrenaline over putting his people in danger? Yeah, let's do that more often.

That was language stronger than he was used to from Ben, though, and a shiver shot straight up his spine. Suddenly inspired to test the limits of his control, he pushed down to voluntarily take what Ben had just tried to push him to.

Ender got where he wanted to be, struggling against what his body wanted to do; a few moments later, he was pulling back.

He took a breath, then leaned in closer again, running his tongue over him.

"I wanted to give it a shot," Ender said simply. He leaned back a little with something weirdly close to regret, reaching down to unbutton his shirt.

Ender stripped off the shirt and tossed it aside, his eyebrows raising up. "Are you sure about that?" he asked, sounding amused.

Or possibly still like he was in control of the situation.

Ender obliged and unbuttoned those, too, sliding them - and his boxers - down his hips. "Fine, fine."

"I'm going to have to actually move to get these all the way off," Ender teased back.

Ender laughed. It sounded more surprised than he'd been going for, and he wondered if he was putting up a front and it was slipping.

He moved - and only bunny-slid a little - and pulled off his pants, kicking them to the floor, too.

Then he pushed Ben back to the pillow and kissed him.

"Glad to hear it," Ender said. He chose the constructive option of shutting Ben up by sliding his tongue into Ben's mouth.

He wondered vaguely if he should move Ben's hands, since they seemed to be getting some thoughts of their own - then shook that thought. Since when did he think like that when they were doing this?

Ender sighed, responding by dipping his head back down and biting at Ben's nipple.

He wanted to push Ben down and finish what he started, except he suddenly wasn't sure that was exactly going to make him happy.

Sure, Ender almost said.

"I don't know," he murmured instead. "I've got a lot on my mind." He leaned down and brushed a kiss over Ben's heart.